She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
