Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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