He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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