I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
you didnt know i had herpes?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
