we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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