How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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