I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
