i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
