A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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