Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
