i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
