You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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