Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
