That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
