easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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