please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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