defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
