i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
