my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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