i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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