the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
we're making bets on your personal life
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
