Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
