i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
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