She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
