I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
