Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
