just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
