One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
