Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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