You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
