You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I see more hoeing in ur future
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
