i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
