So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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