smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
