The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
