haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
