ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
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