hotel room ftw
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
