oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
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