Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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