How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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