Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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