I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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