I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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