In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize