What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
