Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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