So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
it glows. i had to have it.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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