i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Randomize
