would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
