So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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