you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
