Umm I'm too high to move.
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
