There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
