Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Randomize
