I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize