tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
