So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize