so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Everclear isn't food dammit
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
