youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Randomize
