nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
