the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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