Betty ford says i'm here all night
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize