i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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