Jerry, you need to find god
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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