i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
