Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I think my moral compass just broke
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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