hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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