I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
