My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
